The Twisted Christmas
by Miki Mouse
Summary: A twisted comedy of FMA. What happens when a mouse and panda narrate a christmas tale with a book that controls the whole scene? May contain spoilers for manga and anime. Written by Mikki me and Ashley. Contains Royai scenes.
1. The Panda And Mouse

**Disclaimer: We do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

**Ashley: Hello people, told you there was another story I was working on so HA!!!!**

**Just so you know I'm the non italic writing…so well ya you must read the story and not kill me!**

**Mikki: I'm new to Fan Fiction, so this is my first story…By the way, I'm the italic **

**NOTE: This may contain many spoilers if you have not read or seen almost the whole series for Fullmetal Alchemist, manga and/or anime.**

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_Edward stood in front of the beautiful Christmas tree, almost three times as tall as himself. This has been the first warm Christmas since, well, we won't mention that._

Glancing to his left and right, he was able to pick out a few familiar faces; Coronal Mustang, Lieutenant Hawkeye, his brother Alphonse; yes, this will be a great Christmas.

_Just then, Winry walked in the room, caring a gigantic turkey (quite large compared to Edward). She placed it down on the dinner table, while thanking Mrs. Hughes for inviting her, with the usual response of 'No problem, our pleasure'. Winry turned to face Edward, quickly and slyly brought out her wrench, and thrust it forward, whamming Ed right dead center of his forehead, knocking him to the ground, and bounced to Alphose and repeated._

_"What the heck was that for?" Ed already knew the answer._

"Early Christmas gift," smiling a mischievous smile, she pocketed the wrench. By this time Riza and Roy had walked up to the table. Glancing from the giant turkey to the tree, he simply said, "So we are all ganging up on Ed to make him feel small?" Luckily, no one heard, unlikely it began to rain.

_Lieutenant Hawkeye looked at Roy, with a most devilish smirk. "USELESS!" she announced to the Flame Alchemist, now unable to work his 'magic'. Ed walked by, looked at the turkey, then the tree. He rubbed his forehead, trying to shake off the sting from Winrys wrench. It was more then a early gift, it was for getting another wound from Envy. (This was 2 month ago) This time it was for calling him a palm tree. He can take being called a monster, but not simply palm tree. He glanced once more at the absurdly large tree and turkey, feeling small. He headed for the dining hall for supper, he couldn't wait, and he was starving!_

Glancing behind him, he saw his brother following along with Coronal Mustang who was looking quiet sour as Lieutenant Hawkeye who was safely a few paces behind, had called him useless. That ticked off the Coronal almost as much as being called 'small' ticked off Ed. Suddenly, realizing that he'd called himself small, Ed begun having a panic attack right there and then.

_Winry giggled as she was passing by the spazzing 'pipsqueak', leaving Edward blushing. He soonly found his assigned seat, next to Winry and Alphonse. Turkey topped with gravy, steamed carrots and broccoli, and a couple more things that filled the eater's nostrils with delightment. Moving his eyes upward, he noticed the drink-a white liquid-milk!_

"I am not, under any circumstances, drinking that MILK!" Ed began to sputter and make noises that not even a 4 year old would think of. Luckily for Edward (although he may see it as unluckily) Winry had her wrench. Banging him on the the head with it he was knocked unconscious. Thankfully Coronal Mustang was too locked in chatting with Lieutenant Hawkeye to really take notice of this problem; although he did notice the moving mouse tucked in the corner watching them all, especially Ed and Lieutenant Riza. What was the mouse doing?

_"What the heck is our narrator talking about? This is about our Christmas, not some mouse!" Roy Mustang glared at one of the narrators, whose name shall not be spoken. Ed woke to milk being poured over his head, some catching in his mouth, making him smutter and spit over the spiller. "I'm sorry," Winry informed, practically looking apologetic and sorrow," but your gonna drink your milk!"_

"No, I'm not" Ed started struggling, but that soon stopped as Al threatened to sit on Edward, that was never a good idea. Sadly, the mouse, Coronal Mustang had justticosty insulted was none other than one of the narrators, who like Panda counterpart, could probably come up with some way to kill him while he is seated at the table. Miss Mouse climbed onto the top of the table and began to furiously yell, "How dare you insult me, the great Miss Mouse! What if I was Envy! Then what would you have done?" Miss Mouse began nibbling on the bits of turkey Lieutenant Hawkeye was feeding her as she waited for an answer.

_"Miss Mouse, not to intrude, but we control where this story is going. We have lots of power." A small, cute panda walked in, with a smirk, holding a pencil and notepad, jointing down every note of the scene._

_"This is so wrong, animals are talking and controlling our Christmas!" cried Winry, nervously staring at the food as if it had something to do with the absurdness. By then, Edward had reached his seat and had eaten everything, and drunken a glass of eggnog._

Leaning over, Winry whispers into Eds ear, "You do know eggnog has MILK in it, don't you?" But before he could say anything, Miss Mouse, who had hopped down and was talking with Mikki, the panda, when suddenly Miss Mouse stole the panda's writing pad and pencil and furiously began writing.

Suddenly out of no where Envy appeared on the table singing the 'Jingle Bell Rock' in his boxers. To everyone's surprise, Lieutenant Hawkeye fainted at this //interesting// sight.

_Mikki glared at Miss Mouse, snatched the book back and quickly erased her notes before Envy embarrassed himself anymore, and followed by a long period of writing. Envy reappeared in his usual outfit, and snatched the mouse up._

_"What the hell were you thinking!?!" Envy glared, holding Miss Mouse by the collar in front of his (or her) face, clearly unpleased._

"I was being smart, wasn't I?" Miss Mouse said in a matter of fact sort of way, "Now the world knows your talent; your to strange for anyone to really care!" Miss Mouse was obviously getting annoyed. "Now you had better let me go, or I'll see to it that 'Father' has a horrible Christmas!" Turning her head just slightly to Mikki the panda she simply said "Who the hell is Father anyways?"

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**Well, that's that. Our first chapter! We have no idea what to name this yet…Ashley, any ideas? (Nothing depressing, okay?)**

**Ashley: Yay I get to go crazy with one world titles! Um what about….. MUST THINK ME!!!!!!! Okay what about The Strangest Day of All…?**

**Mikki: That's depressing -.- How about….The Twisted Christmas…?**

**Ashley: I like it, it's both depressing and happy at the same time… I LOVE IT!**

**Mikki: Okay, that shall be an…err…interesting name D**


	2. Hostages

**Disclaimer: Neither one of us own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

**Okay, for review, last chapter: The two talking creatures that appear to have a notepad that controls what's going on have entered the story. Miss Mouse seems to be obvious trouble... Winry has wanged Ed on the head a couple times already, and Envy has showed up in his boxers, standing on a table singing 'Jingle Bell Rock' (my personal favorite part). We left off at Miss Mouse asking who 'Father' was.**

**Once again, Mikki (me) is the italics and Ashley is the plain font.**

**Another note, I will will be releasing a new chapter each Tuesday. **

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Mikki: Giving a slight shrug, Mikki seemed to continue annoying Miss Mouse,"Im sure Envy wouldn't want you to know that information. Plus, I think its kinda obvious. But now let's continue this story, shall we?" Envy drops Miss Mouse, looks both way, and exits through the kitchen door.

Ashley: Miss Mouse glared at the leaving Envy, and went to sit down with Mikki the panda. "That was...odd..." Cornel Mustang stated the obvious as he leaned over Lieutenant Hawkeye trying to revive her.

"I don't care, this is our Christmas, not even talking animals will ruin it!" Winry yelled, getting upset. Suddenly she begun to cry, Ed being Ed wrapped his arm around her shoulder and begun to comfort her.

Mikki: Mikki hugs her friend mouse (even if she had ticked off everyone in the room). She jointed some more notes, bringing Riza back, followed by the remaining mess cleaned up in a flash.

Ashley: Not that everything was normal, there really wasn't anything left to do, so Miss Mouse pushing aside the advice of Mikki the Panda, Miss Mouse began to write. Miss Mouse abruptly stopped writing and handed the pencil back to the panda. "Now watch and see," she giggled mischievously as a bright, shimmery light appeared, and viola, a twenty foot wrench fell out of the sky and knocked Ed out.

Mikki: "That's it!" Mikki grabs the notepad and writes vigoursly, soonly followed by the wrench falling on Miss Mouse, and clapped her hands, creating alchemy she protected the book from the dangerously insane mouse's tiny paws.

Ashley: Feeling abused, Miss Mouse who had crawled out from under the wrench, turned on the shocked Roy and Lieutenant and said, "You had better do something Mr. Flame Alchemist or I swear I'll bring Envy and his boxers right back here!" sadly, Miss Mouse's threat didn't seem to affect him.

Mikki: "Anyways...,"Mikki started writing again, banishing the wrench," Present time!"

Ashley: "Ooooh!! What's in them?!" Both Ed and Al yelled excitedly.

"With any luck, a new wrench. Mine got crushed by the mouse" Winry yelled both excited and angry at Miss Mouse.

Lieutenant Hawkeye leaned in and whispered," I wonder what the deranged mouse is planning on next...?" Smiling faintly Miss Mouse held up her paw and said, "Snake APPEAR," to everyone's surprise, nothing happened, at least, not yet...

Mikki: Mikki picked up a tall, green box and opened, out jumped a snake, nearly snapping the poor panda's head!

"How the heck did you know which box it was?" Miss Mouse looked completely stumped.

"No tag," grinned Mikki. She applied a Santa hat to Roy," Hand out the gifts, you are Santa Claus." She smiled sweetly and joined the large circle around the tree.

Ashley: Miss Mouse grumbled angrily, but then she had it, it would just take time, now to watch the presents being unwrapped...in her mind, Mouse laughed...

Mikki: Mikki and Ed recognized Miss Mouse's darting eyes." Watch the presents," Ed whispered to Mikki; replied with a slight nod.

Ashley: As the presents were unwrapped, Miss Mouse began thinking, she would probably need paper and maybe a pen or pencil,...how could she do this, when Mikki had concealed the notepad.

Mikki: "This one for is for Ed, this one for Al...one for Winry..." Santa Mustang handed out each present, the one for Winry felt like metal, and was pretty heavy for its size, then paused at a small present," And one for Miss Mouse?" He looked at the mouse, wondering who the heck would give her a present after all this. He shook the disbelief away, and handed the gift to Miss Mouse, who started to rip the envelope, leading to a card.

Ashley: Miss. Mouse smiled, which is kinda strange for a mouse. Reading the card she looked toward Mikki the Panda and cried "THANKS!" as she opened the cheese, in the bottom of the package.

Mikki: Mikki simply smiled as she watches her friend gobble down the cheese. From behind her, two arms flung around her in a thanking hug. Mikki turned her head to see Winry with her new wrench, with her name engraved on it. Mikki blushed and hugged her back. Miss Mouse joined in, giggling.

Ashley: After the remaining presents had been disputed; a new set of gloves for the coronal, a stuffed cat for Al, and so on; Miss Mouse started plotting. No one noticed she had slipped away. Only moments after Miss Mouse left, a sudden shocked scream rang out through the hall; everyone looked around trying to figure out who had screamed.

Ed, Al, Coronal Mustang, Mikki the Panda, the now arriving Miss Mouse, plus the hostess, Mrs. Hughes, were all there, so who was missing? That's when it hit them: where were Lieutenant Riza and Winry? Another scream erupted through the air, this one was familiar; at least to Roy...it was Riza! But by the time he, along with everyone else, had reached the source of the scream, there was no one and nothing there, or there would have been if Winrys wrench wasn't laying on the ground, next to an unconscious Winry...

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**There you have it, that's the end of Chapter 2. **

**Ashley: Hehehehee…………….**

**Mikki: I have no idea what to say but….sorry Winry about Ashley…P**


	3. Sloth

**Disclaimer: Again, neither one of us own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

**Okay, for review, last chapter we were left off at Winry and Riza disappearing, finding Winry unconscious with her wrench, but no sign of Riza….Everyone had opened up their presents, but Ed (and Miss Mouse) got squashed by a giant wrench! Miss Mouse wont be as much as a nuisance as the journal has been sealed…**

**Once again, Mikki (me) is italic, Ashley is plain.**

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_Mikki glared at the mouse, which was looking completely innocent. Innocent, in a way that made her not suspicious at all. Was it really her? She's been right here the whole time...and she couldn't have gotten the notepad, and if she did, it had a Miss Mouse protection blocking her. Could it be someone else? But who? Questions twirled like a tornado in her head, with no way to block the horrid rampage. Mikki shook her head and looked at Miss Mouse. Once again. It wasn't her! It couldn't be...Miss Mouse turned to look at the confused panda, "If you're wondering, this is not what I planned, my plan wasn't as suspicious...and confusing," she admitted, sad to say it wasn't her works._

"No," Miss Mouse continued, "My plan was to turn either Ed or Envy," Miss Mouse stifled a giggle at this point, "Into a tomato..." Luckily for Miss Mouse, none but Mikki heard, as they were all to busy trying to figure out who did this...

_The panda giggled slightly, and quickly moved away to the crime scene. Questions swirled in everyone's heads, soon to be answered, but when? The first answerable question that popped into everyone's head was: Where are they? Luckily, the suspect had left trail of crumbs smack dead center of the hallway, leading to the Coronal's office._

Now normally no one would be suspicious of bread crumbs leading into someone's office, but considering the circumstances it's entirely reasonable to assume that something was wrong… Miss. Mouse who contrary to the belief that seemed to be going around, she did get scared so as she sat there shaking as she watched as all the other went into the office…the room was completely empty, well, there was an open window and a TON of blood but….Riza wasn't there.

_As they followed it, it turned out be, strangely enough, Roy's expirment of 'Can Bread be Dyed?'. To his surprise, it could. Everyone simply stared at the Coronal, asking why must have been red?!? "The kidnapper must of dragged Riza and/or Winry through the Coronal's experiment, then out the window! And if you look out the window, the path of water leads to Devil's Nest." exclaimed Alphonse, still uncertain of what was happening._

"Well, for you information, Red is a color that's easier to be seen and it's not like I could dye something black now is it!" The coronal stated in a mocking tone.

MEANWHILE

Back out into the hall Miss. Mouse had picked up on another clue, a trail of red dye leading down the hall toward the Fuhrer's office… on a hunch Miss. Mouse called the others out of the Cornel office as she started down the hall…

_"Let's split up, half of us will follow the trail out the window, the other half the trail to the Fuhrer's office," explained Ed._

Everyone nodded there heads and split into separate teams, Coronal Mustang, Alphonse and Miss mouse on one and the remaining people went with Ed to the Furhrer's office.

_As the Panda and everyone else sneaked into the Furhrers office, the group paused to listen a familiar voice on the phone; the Furhrer himself and the new secretary were sharing a phone. On the other line was an angry voice, no one could tell what gender it was, but it was familiar from earlier that evening._

"ENVY" Ed whispered," Why in god's name would he be calling Envy!" Now Ed being Ed choose this point in time to start spazzing over the Furhrer calling Envy! Sadly everyone within twelve mile heard... Meanwhile back with Coronal Mustang and the rest, they were almost about to give up hope of refinding the trail (Alphonse lost it a while back and for some unknown reason no one had thought of retracing there steps, when suddenly out of the blue they heard yelling and arguing, sadly BOTH voices were familiar, it was Riza and Envy...

_"Wait, is that Riza's voice on the other line too?" questioned Havoc, listening to the conversation, catching an enough words to make out what they were talking about," They seem to be talking about the Philosopher Stone...""THE WHAT?" shrieked Edward, suddenly remembered his needs and wishes for that holiday. The panda simply looked at him as if he wouldn't expect anything other from Envy and the others. Then it hit her; he didn't know who the Fuhrer and the new secretary was! _

_"Oh, yeah. I might have needed to mention that the Fuhrer and the secretary are kind of sins," Mikki confessed, not sure that was a good idea," The Fuhrer is Pride, and the secretary is Sloth. Sloth is what you transmuted when you tried to bring your mom back." She watched as Edward slowly pieced together the facts..._

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**Okay, there's Chapter 3 for you. Um…what should I say…um, oh, we are playing the PS2 game right now! (FMA and the Broken Angel) I still wonder why it is called that still…even though about 7 and an half hours into the game….Then there is the Nintendo DS game that I've completed 3 times in 2 days… **

**Anyways**


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